The Turning Point
by BellasTrick
Summary: In life, a single moment can change the course of one's life, permanantly. This is a 3 part story, from the POV of EACH of the Black sisters, about the moment that forever changed the course of their lives: the night Andromeda ran away with Ted Tonks. *Blackcest, not super heavy! M, just in case. Bellatrix/Andromeda and Bellatrix/Narcissa * Don't like, don't read


A/N: Please read and review. It is greatly appreciated!

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**_BELLATRIX'S POV:_**

There was an attack this evening, at this Ministry. By now, I am certain that you have already heard about it. Our goal was related to a prophecy, one made about the Potter boy. Something to help my Lord finally bring about Potter's end. My Lord trusted me, above all others, to take care of it. I swore that I would not rest until I had it for him. I had meant it, at the time. It was my only goal. Until I saw her, that is.

Your daughter. The little half-breed. You can imagine my surprise to see her with the likes of the mangy-mutt, Sirius. In an instant, everything changed. I no longer remembered the mission I was supposed to be carrying out with my fellow Death Eaters. I had a new mission. Taking care of family business. I couldn't have cared less who Harry Potter was, for a few perfect moments. All I knew was the way my loyal wand suddenly pointed itself towards her, completely without my instruction.

I had waited years for this moment, hoping to be confronted with your offspring. She looks so much like you, Andromeda. She has your lips, your jawline. But there are parts to her that never belonged to you. That hair, for instance, is something that I could only send condolences for, if I had any. And then, there were her other features. While everything moved in a hurry, I still had ample opportunity to see the parts of her face that came from him. The pet Mudblood of yours. Vile features, I must say. I wanted to destroy them. I wanted to inflict pain on her, just because I knew it would hurt you.

I sought your eyes in her. I wanted so desperately to see them once more. It could have been the thrill of fighting, or the unspoken hope within me, but my heartbeat was actually racing. I moved closer to her, just to double check. In a way, I suppose it was anticlimactic. They weren't there. She has his eyes. It's a shame, really. They were always one of my favorite things about you. There was a certain fire that used to burn behind them, whenever we were together.

I am unsure if it would have been to her benefit to have possessed those mesmerizing eyes of yours. Perhaps I would have been lost in them, and it would have given her the time she needed to fight me properly. There is really no way of knowing, until the next time I see her. Looking into his eyes, instead of yours, certainly didn't make it more difficult to attack her. That much, I am certain of. Looking at them was almost repulsive, when I think of how long I have wanted to see yours.

I didn't kill her. Not this time, anyway. I wanted her to get to tell you in person that I was the one who incapacitated her. Mean, old Auntie Bellatrix. This night was not intended for my revenge against you. Our duel was one of curiosity. I wanted to see if she was a worthy warrior, and I must say that I was disappointed. I know I taught you better, Andi. Practice makes perfect.

I would have to say, for me at least, that tonight's focal point was pest control. I have never much cared for dogs, as you may remember. There is a certain stench I abhor. The penchant for fleas is most unattractive; Sirius being the worst case I have yet to witness. So, if you have not heard by now, I am happy to inform you that our cousin has been put to sleep. It was necessary. I can only hope that the two of you became close in the years since I last saw you. I must extend some credit to him, painful though it may be. As far as fighting goes, he was at least a worthy adversary.

As for the werewolf lover, I truly hope she is prepared to engage me properly, the next time I see her. I intend to remove her from your life, Andromeda. Much the same way you removed yourself from mine: abruptly and permanently. Make no mistake about that. She will be taken from you, if it is the last thing I ever do. And, I can assure you that her demise _will_ come at my hands. Think of it as a special gift from me. I always did love giving you presents. I have given it a lot of thought, and this is what I want for you: I want you to know the pain that I have suffered because of you, even if it is only a fraction of that pain. I want you to breathe it in, until you feel like you will suffocate. It is only fair, after all.

It may not sound like it now, but I really have tried to forgive you. I cannot do it. There is no space in my heart for forgiveness, because the heart that was once there is missing. I gave it to you in trust, all those years ago, and you destroyed it in a night. One sodding night! I will never understand why you did it to me. We were everything to one another. Don't you remember? I do.

I loved you. You were the only sacred thing I had left in this world, and you turned your back on me. I despise you for that, Andromeda. How could walk away and never even look back? You would have seen me there, lurking in your shadows, waiting for you to call on me. But you never did. You were supposed to love me, forever. We were supposed to build our own life together, our own family. You promised. But you lied. Just like everybody else. I suppose I should be thanking you, right about now. For sparing me any pain at the hands of another.

I haven't allowed anyone to hurt me since then. I doubt that others could say as much for me. I've lost track of how many have suffered at my hands. The Ministry's tally isn't even close. Yet I have never come after you. I won't. I cannot bear the thought of killing you, though you deserve it. The pain I feel every day, in this existence I pretend to call a life, is reason enough. It would be pointless to kill you, anyway. You are already dead to me. You died when you walked out of that door.

I was there that night. You may not remember, but I still do. I sat outside father's study. I heard it all. The bastard didn't even bother to use a silencing charm. It took months afterwards to be able to close my eyes and not hear you screaming for him to stop. I can remember clawing at the door, throughout each heavy blow he delivered. I couldn't get to you, though. I heard the loud thud of your body colliding with the wall, and you crying. I cried with you. I cried for you. Each time father broke another lamp, another chair, another bone, my heart broke a little more. I wanted to protect you and I failed. I was helpless.

Looking back, I see why that night never had to happen. It was your fault. If you hadn't been so bloody stubborn… How many times did I try to warn you, Andi? How many times did I tell you that it was dangerous to associate with that Muggle-boy? I knew that father would find out, one way or another. He always did. But you wouldn't listen and it has cost us everything. A part of me hates you for your stupidity and arrogance. Why didn't you learn from my mistake with Elizabeth? You could have saved yourself, Andromeda. You could have saved me.

There are times that I can still feel my face being slammed against his desk, as he screamed. "No daughter of mine is going to fornicate with a filthy Muggle girl! It's disgusting, Bellatrix! We are Black's! _Toujours pur_!" I can't recall how many times he called me a lesbian whore, but I really think he was more upset that she was a Muggle. I still have no idea how he even found out about her.

As I recall, you spent an entire week trying to heal those wounds. The scars are still visible, along with some others he gave me. He hurt me far worse that day than he ever did you, but I didn't leave you. I couldn't leave you and Narcissa with him, no matter how bad he hurt me. Instead, I stopped seeing her, even though I loved her. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I am stronger for it today. You would have been, too.

I had more nightmares about that day than I can remember, but you were always there for me. Why couldn't you let me be there for you? When I woke up, sobbing my eyes out, you and Cissy always came. I know she meant well, but it was always you, Andi. You were the only one who could ever calm me down, the only one I wanted nearby.

I still don't understand how you made it all go away. Not just the nightmares, but the fits I had. You were the only one who ever truly understood me. There is still not another who can calm my rage with just a soft touch, or calm words. Narcissa has tried, but it isn't the same. I still release all of my anger on her occasionally. Never on you, though. How is it possible to have found that, and lost it so soon?

Every time my mind betrays me to remember your comforting touch on those nights, I want to hurt myself. I can still feel your lips pressed against my shoulders, my neck, my cheeks as you kissed away all of my fears. The way that coldness turned to warmth under your steady hands. I was at home in your embrace, never knowing that it wouldn't last forever. If I had known then that it would be over in 5 short years, I would have taken better mental photographs.

It all started out innocently enough. One sister calming another, time after time. Year after year. Until Elizabeth. We couldn't have known the way those innocent touches and gentle kisses would morph. How they would change into something that others considered an abomination. I didn't think I could ever feel the things I felt for Elizabeth towards another. But I was young and I was wrong.

I did find it. With you. I knew it the first time we ever kissed and the way my body trembled underneath you. Elizabeth and I had explored each other, a little. Never sex, but certainly more than kissing. It had been exhilarating, with her, I thought. But nothing she and I shared ever compared with the way you made me feel in that one kiss. One kiss. I know you felt it. And I know that you can still feel it when you let yourself. A feeling like that doesn't go away.

I knew, by the way our hearts beat as one, that we were meant to be together. I tried to fight the way you made me feel, failing a little more with each passing night you crept into my room. Night after night, your curious hands dared to venture further down my stomach. Your kisses dripped lower down my chest. I stopped you for a while, but at some point my voice stopped working. I was weak and I no longer cared. I wanted you too much. That night, we took things from one another that we could never give back. We crossed boundaries we could not replace.

I knew that it was wrong, the way we touched each other; as lovers and not sisters. I knew I wasn't supposed to feel excited as we reached between one another's legs, desperately finding our truths buried within. I wasn't supposed to enjoy the warmth that pooled in my center as you screamed into my mouth. But I did enjoy it. Sisters aren't supposed to love each other like that. I knew that we were committing more sins than we could ever repent for, but I didn't care, because I loved you. I had you by my side and I knew that you would always be there. But you weren't.

If I could take it all back now, I would. If I could take the nightmares back for the way you made me feel, I would do it in a heartbeat. You promised to love me forever, Andi. You swore that only death would ever part us. How could I have known that those promises were merely beautiful lies? I believed you. Every word.

It was never supposed to be this way. Life was supposed to be beautiful, for us. I would have given up everything for you. Why couldn't you trust me when I said you shouldn't talk to him? I loved you first. You wouldn't listen to me. Your own flesh and blood, and you wouldn't hear me! I only wanted to protect you, but you wouldn't let me. I hate you for that. I would have died to have another day with you. Instead, I died, without it. I think if you were to cut me open, there would be stone where my heart used to be. If only my body could have died as well. It's not for lack of trying.

Narcissa wouldn't allow it. I suppose she couldn't stand to lose another sister so soon. She never left my side after that night. Each time she was gone for more than a second, I cut myself. I wanted to watch myself bleed out. She always found me and called the elves in to heal me. No matter how much I begged, they wouldn't just let me die. I tried to stop eating. It lasted for a little while, but Narcissa caught on. She promptly informed mother and father and they hospitalized me. She stayed by my side, every day, helping me get through your departure.

She told me that if you really loved me, you would come back for me. So, I waited. And I waited. And you never did. Not a single word. I can't remember much about the first five months after you left, except that she was there for me. She refused to give up on me the way that you had. Somehow, in the haze of that time, she began to fill a little piece of the void you left behind. Just enough to keep me alive.

I feel as though I destroyed her innocence in your absence. I made her love me, so I could try to forget you. I hate myself for that. She was a child and I ruined her. When she touched me, I closed my eyes, picturing you there. It never felt the same. The fire you made me feel was gone, but it got me through the nights. It still does. I've never told her that before. I can't. I will not crush her the way you crushed me, Andromeda.

Everything changed for me the night you left. Narcissa helped me as much as she could to get through the breakdowns, until I met someone. Someone who promised to heal me in ways that no other could. It was my saving grace, for a while. I learned the ways of the Dark Arts from him. I found that when I hurt others, I stopped hurting. I no longer thought about you. Sometimes for a week at the time. I made myself strong through other's weakness, and the Dark Lord respected me for it.

Then came Azkaban. I have never told anyone about my time there and aside from this, I never will. Not even Narcissa knows the truth. The truth is, during my time there, every minute of every day was spent, reliving the most painful memory of my life. The night you left. You cannot possibly imagine the hell it was, being forced to relive that night. For 5,148 days I heard nothing but your screams as you were beaten into oblivion in father's study. I felt nothing, save the empty feeling within, the night I knew you were not coming back. Over and over. Pain, on top of screams, on top of pain.

I can't remember when I finally slipped away, when I stopped begging for a death that would not come. Any other memory would have been easier, but that isn't how they operate. I began to welcome the physical tortures. Anything that got me out of my head for a second. I would have rather watched you marry your Mudblood over and over than deal with that night again.

When the Dark Lord was back in power, he came back for me. The way that you were supposed to, but never did. I had thought that things would go away when I was free. Some of it did, just not you. You stayed there, creeping like a disease with no cure, screaming for release. There was only one way to make it go away. Pain. The pain of others, of myself. Whatever. It was my only escape from you. It still is.

Except now, when I hurt someone, the relief rarely lasts more than a few hours. I am constantly finding new ways to hurt myself, just to get by. In the Dark Lord's eyes, I am his strongest soldier, because I cannot be broken. Because I do not care about the pain I cause others. But, this is a lie. I broke a long time ago. I only cloak it with the pain of others to survive the madness. It is for no other reason. It's rather ironic, when you really stop to think about it. I try not to let myself go there too often.

The same way I try to avoid thinking of you. You're always there, but not there. Azkaban changed me, Andromeda. I am no longer content in the knowledge that I alone suffer for your transgressions. As the madness eats away at the essence of my being, so will it eat at yours. And I will not pity you. You deserve it.

It didn't have to be this way, you know. Everything could have been so different for us. I could have made you happy, if only you had possessed the courage to believe in me… in us. As I fill these pages with words that will never meet the fire of your eyes, I look back at that turning point; the night you left me. It forever changed my destiny as I will change yours. And when you hold the lifeless body of your beloved Nymphadora, you will think of me.

I have tried to rid myself of your weakness and it has been in vain. I still love you, Andromeda. A part of me will always love you. But I hate you for what I have become, this keeper of madness. I hate you for carelessly breaking the heart you vowed to protect. You_ will _suffer for your betrayal, sister of mine. You will suffer, and you will find no relief. She will haunt you, as you have haunted me. When you close your eyes and think of her death, you will think only of me. I have walked through every street in Hell because of you. It is time for you to join me, sister. Madness can be so lonely.

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Tell me what you think! Much love!


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